I am not a smug anti-TV person. I love television. But I think cable TV is a ripoff, so I watch the shows I want when I want … through ENTIRELY LEGAL ONLINE METHODS. This means that there’s a whole world of shows I have no idea about (I’m looking at you, TLC!) because I don’t channel surf … except when I’m staying in a hotel. I am in a hotel right now. If you have TV, you will probably find my observations quaint, much like if I were to ask “What’s the deal with that MySpace thing I read about in USA Today?” Channel surf with me in real time (OK, so I am writing this in real time with the programming. You can actually read this whenever you want.)
- Since when are there so many shows about midgets having an occupation? (You can say “little people” if you want. Herve Villechaize said “midget” so it’s OK.) Sometimes they are bakers. Sometimes they are farmers. Sometimes they rescue pit bulls. It doesn’t matter as long as they’re working. No one wants to watch a lazy midget, I guess?
- Since when are there so many shows about people having mental disorders? I put on Animal Planet because I was hoping to watch a show about baby tigers or koala bears while I worked. Instead, their whole evening line up is about mentally ill people who use pets as a way to escape reality. Other channels had shows about people with disorders that did not involve pets. What happened to Law and Order reruns? Man, you skip the cable for a few years and suddenly everyone’s obsessive compulsive.
- Hey, people on the MTV shows about having a mental disorder: You are spoiled and not nearly as sympathetic as the other channels’ mentally disordered people. If you’re not a pregnant teen, we don’t feel sorry for you.
- I had no idea so many celebrities used to have acne. So many of them endorse Proactiv. Katy Perry. Diddy. Jessica Simpson. Justin Beiber. I want to look just like all of them rolled up into one clear-skinned mega-celebrity.
- Poor New Jersey. Here I thought reality TV made being from Orange County embarrassing.
- OK THIS IS AWESOME: Celtic Thunder! Four Irish guys in their late 20s marching in place singing about how they love Ireland! Their Christmas album just SOLD OUT on QVC. The lady thinks they should come back and host! This is more confusing to me than the time I saw the show about buying $800 vibrators from proper-looking QVC ladies.
